1988 Autech Zagato Stelvio

CRAZY JDM #17

This is the Autech Stelvio. It used to be a Nissan Leopard coupe but Nissan's slightly mad in-house tuner, Autech transformed it into this... thing. It's an exotic 'thing' nevertheless, styled by Zagato (when Zagato was drunk) and sold in limited numbers at interesting prices. A little over £100,000 (or $160,000) when adjusted for inflation! So this car was bought by those with more money than sense. And maybe no eyes.



WHY WOULD PEOPLE WITH NO EYES WANT THIS?
Okay, let me elaborate here. It's not the styling that turns away the 'people-with-eyes' demographic - as that's entirely subjective. It's rather something else. That something else is... the door-mirrors, or to be precise - the lack of them. So how can such a car be legal? Well, they're not quite door-mirrors anymore. Not even fender-mirrors. They're mirrors mounted on the bonnet (or hood)! Visibility ends up so poor you might as well not bother looking.
Furthermore, the people who bought this could potentially never drive it. It's just another way to say,
"Look at me, I'm rich!". Although to be fair, it would be best to look away to avoid getting conjunctivitis.
This car does at least have a legacy though. After Zagato 'styled' this, they copied the design and removed all the awkward bits. The result was the quirky but elegant Aston Martin V8 Zagato, and a presumably an enraged Nissan.

HOW FAST?
As fast as a Nissan Leopard V6 with slightly more horsepower attached...
316bhp (rounded from 315.622...)
0-60 in something slightly under the Leopard's 10.6 time
152mph

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

WARNING: View at your own discretion.

Behold, broken dinner plates minimalism within art.

Exhibit A: The mirrors! (Annotated by me).

Exhibit B: The same design but actually pretty! (The Aston Martin V8 Zagato).

Finally, I present to you - one of many proposed replacements to the Stelvio. Sadly, the economy's collapse coupled with the end of the Autech-Zagato partnership killed them off. Except to see an article on these soon!

CAN I BUY ONE?
If you're willing to import - I guess you can. It's even past the USA import cap - but would you want to? Also it's very hard to find these in the first place because 'limited production'. Despite that, I did find one on Goo net. And it had depreciated to less than an 8th of its original value. So... Bargain?

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? YES

Silly engineering? YES YES (Handbuilt with bonnet-mirrors)

Silly idea behind it? YES YES YES

●●●3/3 A very silly car that also manages to be something really cool and unique.

1974 Mazda B-Series 'REPU'

CRAZY JDM #16

This is the Mazda REPU. Built in a time when Mazda was on a mission. A mission to scramble their rotary engine into anything they could get their hands on. Hence the Mazda RotaryEnginedPickUp, the first & only pickup with a rotary. The text on the tailgate claims 'Rotary Power' too. Wouldn't it be amazing to transport pickup truck things such as pigs, ladders and grandfather clocks in a vehicle that also has 'Rotary Power'?



IT'S AMAZING, RIGHT?
It was 'amazing' in many ways. Critics would compliment the power, driving experience and interior of the vehicle. It even went into motorsport and found moderate success. This vehicle clearly excelled at being a good car.
But was it good at being a truck? It was very good at being a toy truck for Mazda enthusiasts. But its functionality left something to be desired. While the rotary engine can create a phenomenal driving experience it has a few drawbacks that prevent actual trucking things from taking place.
Exhibit A) Towing. 'Rotary Power' means less power in the lower RPMs and a huge lack of torque, so expect to see it having a hard time towing anything heavier than a paperclip.
Exhibit B) Seals. Rotary engines will wear out eventually after a certain amount of miles, so the engine will have to get rebuilt. This is especially problematic in a pickup truck, where durability is key.
So this vehicle suffered its fate in 1977 and the concept was never touched again - meaning pickup truck owners had to move away from 'Rotary Power', at least they got to move towards towing objects heavier than a paperclip again.
...Oh and before anyone mentions this - yes. It isn't a JDM (as it was sold in the US), however it is still a long forgetten crazy Japanese car so it counts.

HOW FAST?
It's no RX-7 but not bad for a pickup of its day.
110bhp
0-60 in 11 seconds
Unknown mph, sorry.

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Yellow headlights, nice touch.

Can't tow your random boxes? Put them in the bed instead, it also improves ride comfort.

Just your typical 70s promo advert...

Surprisingly cute looking car.

Yes, it had that text when it left the factory. Also circular tail lights exclusive to REPU.

CAN I BUY ONE?

You will not get this at all, unless you're in the US (or possibly nearby). Prices are usually a little under $10,000 (Dollars instead of usual currency because USDM). Prices may vary depending on condition though. It's up to you whether you think it's worth it.

CRAZY JDM USDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO (Apart from 'Rotary Power' on tailgate)

Silly engineering? YES

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦ 2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM USDM, it's close.

1989 Mitsubishi Debonair V 3000 Royal AMG

CRAZY JDM #15

This is the Mitsubishi Debonair AMG. And yes, I know what you're thinking - This car was designed with aerodynamic capabilities of a house brick in mind. I know you're also thinking of another thing about this car but that's for later. For now, take in the fact that this was a slow car. It contained Mitsubishi's first ever V6 but it was front wheel drive and once badged as a Hyundai just so they had a limo for the Seoul Olympics. 

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER THINK I'M THINKING OF?

Which other thing? I don't read minds like that. ...Okay fine then, time for the elephant in the room. Or more realistically; The world famous tuning company in the roomy brick which is about as fast as an elephant. I may be exaggerating it a bit there but you must remember Mitsubishi was known more as a sewing machine company as opposed to the 4WD rally lords they became later. In an attempt to solve this AMG was hired. The real AMG. So did AMG turn it into a majestic, power-sliding beast? No. Too predictable. They decided to not touch the performance at all. Instead they bolted on a bodykit & plastered AMG badging like a contagious disease so no one would be the wiser. Except people noticed and nobody bought it. Not that it really mattered as a replacement was on the way at this point - now with styling by Hyundai! This wasn't the end of the AMG-Mitsubishi partnership though. There was one other car, but that's for later.

HOW FAST?

About as fast as Hyundai's limo for 1988 Seoul Olympics. But with a V6.

148bhp

0-60 in 10.8 seconds

112mph

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

The rear featuring a glorious spoiler & exhaust.

BEEP BEEP COMPUTERS! A contender for the most 1980s centre console.

Okay, I think it's safe to say the interior of this car is perpetually stuck in the 80s.

Promo pic. Spot the AMG badges (there's at least 4 in this picture alone).

Despite the lack of performance. The AMG looks 1000% faster than the regular model.

CAN I BUY ONE?

If you want one so you are either a fan of 'Gorilla' - a Japanese crime drama which features this car or that interior has got to you. It is quite old, allowing it to bypass some import restrictions and prices haven't risen that high. However it is rare. Rarer than any other car on this blog so far. This car is almost unobtainable. Fans of 'Gorilla' may be sad but this is the truth. 

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? YES

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.

1993 Honda Crossroad

CRAZY JDM #14

This is the Honda Crossroad. It doesn't really do anything a Honda would typically do. Instead it is designed to be a big, rugged off roader. The key word is 'designed' as it will always refuse to start and instead leak gallons of fluids all over the owner's driveway, whoever was unfortunate enough to own it in the first place. Might be quite practical when it ever does start though. 7 Seats!


AN UNRELIABLE HONDA? WITCHCRAFT!
No, not witchcraft, rather 'Rover'. Rover was a British car company. Most people who have any idea about the company will know that 'Rover' stands for Rusty Oxidising Vehicles - Excessively Repulsive. Okay, they made a couple of cars that actually quite nice such as the SD1 & 75 etc but they were all made of compressed rust & assembled with toothpicks.
So what does Rover have to do with this whole agenda?
Most British people will know Rover was in a deal with Honda where they would work together. It could have gone so well - note how I just said 'could have' as the companies threw a great big 'that's what they would be expecting' at any positive innovation and instead made genericised Hondas with an added bonus - rust, and lots of Red Diesel too of course. The biggest loss from this was the Rover 800, a Honda Legend that got built by Rover. It was the first and only Rover sold in the US known there as the 'Sterling 827. Most Americans may have forgot it as it was in production for such a short time due to reliabilty issues. Also the Crossroad was, if you haven't figured out already, a rebadged 1st gen Land Rover Discovery with a Honda badge. It's still a JDM though as it was only sold in Japan. Thus I have an excuse to moan about it here. Hooray!

HOW FAST?
Specs for the only engine, the V8i.
182bhp
0-62 in 11.5 seconds - provided the engine doesn't blow.
Just under 106mph

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Deliciously Purple Promotional Picture

Compare & contrast with the Land Rover equivalent

Read 'Pride of Breaking Down' for true accuracy

The fact that there's more promotional pics than live photographs proves that those who bought it were quite a lonely bunch.

Wait, it still exists in real life! Maybe they weren't so lonely after all. Let's wait for the grand reopening of the Honda Crossroad owner's club.

CAN I BUY ONE?

If you're from the USA then no, it's too new. If you're able to import one expect prices from err... I honestly don't know. This car is not up for sale in decent numbers anywhere so prices are mostly unknown. Buy a Land Rover Discovery instead if you're the sort of person up for this car as its almost exactly the same.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly size & proportions? NO

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? NO (But if sillly = unreliable, then maybe)

Silly idea behind it? YES

●◦◦1/4 A mostly sober car with a couple of cool and different features.

2001 Honda Stepwgn

CRAZY JDM #13

This is the Honda Stepwgn. And no, that was not a typo, this is the Honda Stepwgn - extra emphasis on the 'WGN' required for the sake of authenticity. Though introduced in 1995, the 2001 Stepwgn was where things really got crazy; by that I mean it began to look tacky instead of dreary. Despite all of this, I like the Stepwgn, even if it has sliding doors on only one side for some quirky reason.



DON'T HONDA HAVE A MILLION AND ONE OF THESE TYPES OF CARS ALREADY?
Yes, and that's why it exists! You see, around this time the SUV trend was beginning. You know, the Land Rovers and Jeeps were beginning to being used as picking-the-kids-up-from-school-on-time machines as opposed to the messing-up-the-countryside-leaking-red-diesel-everywhere machines which they were supposed to be. Honda wanted to get some money out of this fad so their solution was the Stepwgn, basically a big boxy van with windows that had been made higher up so you can get the kids out without breaking your spine or something. It has 4 seating arrangements: cargo mode; sleep mode; food mode (don't question it) and play mode where the seats swivel because that's every kid's ultimate epitome of enjoyment. Despite now having many more cars that do the same job, Stepwgn is still being made. Why this is remains one of the great unsolved mysteries of our time but I reckon it has something to do with Honda's abnormally large fake chrome supply.

HOW FAST?
I''m not sure you would find this useful but it's a VTEC so it should have some grunt.
157.81119485bhp (Very specific figure because maths).
0-60 in 8.5 seconds (not bad at all for a car this size).
118mph (Limited).

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Yes, someone lowered Honda's deliberately raised car - clever.

Remember when I talked about all that fake chrome? ...Yeah.

Because nothing says JDM like a van resembling a (surprisingly classy) kitchen appliance.

It looks like an old Volvo from this view.

Now you can drool over that leather. Not sure if it's real leather or fake leather though.

CAN I BUY ONE?

Too new to be imported to the USA but everywhere else expect to see prices from £2,000 to £6,000 for a 2nd generation car like the on this post (I'll cover the other ones another time). Use a currency converter if you need to covert to a different currency, price excludes importing price (obviously).

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●◦◦1/3 A mostly sober car with a couple of cool and different features.

2000 Toyota WiLL Vi, 2001 Toyota WiLL VS & 2002 Toyota WiLL Cypha/VC

CRAZY JDM #10, #11 & #12

This is the Toyota WiLL. It spawned three generations, each of them wacky in their own way (see photo gallery). Pictured is the 1st gen WiLL, the WiLL Vi, purposely made to look like a Citroën Ami made from corrugated plastic. The next one, the WiLL VS, looked like the 2014 Vauxhall Astra - Yet the WiLL VS was made about a decade earlier. Oh, and there was one more WiLL, but that one was just silly.



WHAT WERE TOYOTA SMOKING?
Kao's WiLL OneWeek Room Freshener. Probably.
You see, the whole WiLL agenda wasn't just Toyota's thing. Several Japanese companies such as Panasonic and a lot of other ones that not many people outside of Japan know about worked to together to form the WiLL campaign marketed towards the youth. Because only truly youthful people drink Asahi WiLL Sweet Brown Beer, munch on Ezaki Gilco's WiLL black beans candy and operate on Panasonic's WiLL fax machine and attached headset. The youth will always drive what could be seen as one of the ugliest cars in the century, the Toyota WiLL, the vehicle that would drive you insane if it were your permanent car. For the youth.

HOW FAST?
Using the 1.3 litre engine it gets from the old Yaris, here are some estimates...
88bhp
A top speed near 100mph
0-60 in over 10 seconds.

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Toyota's 'inspiration' - a Citroën Ami.

And... Soft top! You wouldn't want to be seen in that though.

The WiLL VS, a more angular Astra made about 10 years earlier.

Seriously, compare the little things like that rear window.

The final gen WiLL, The WiLL Cypha. The really very silly one. To put it bluntly, it's a bit chubby.

CAN I BUY ONE?

The fact that you ask that is rather odd. If you're in the US, then it's too new to be imported. If you're not, then you can buy one ready to import for £1,000 to 3,000, or second/third generation one £3,000 to £5,000. Use a currency converter to change to your desired currency.

I used the word 'desired' in the same article as the Toyota WiLL. Wow.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.

...As sober as Asahi's WiLL Sweet Brown Beer at least.

1991 Nissan Cedric & 1991 Nissan Gloria

CRAZY JDM #8 & #9

This is the Nissan Cedric. It happens to be the same as the car pictured below, the Nissan Gloria. Succeeding the '87 Cedric that is still being used a taxi today & preceding the modified from the factory drift-missile, the '95 Gloria, these cars sit awkwardly in between like raisins at a sweet shop. And they have silly names too.



THESE CARS LOOK FAMILIAR, WHY?
Quite simple really. In the 1990s when Nissan had more 4 door cars than there are people living on the world right now, they just had to design something for that guy. You know that guy, the person who dreams of owning a big German luxury car but is forced to use boxes for furniture and has to seal his leaky house using noisy putty so he doesn't run out of money. Yeah, that guy. Nissan's answer to that guy's wishes was to create what is essentially a Nissan Cima in a fat suit and make it 'look' like a German luxury car. Nissan advertised the Cedric as the upmarket version & the Gloria as the sporty version? Don't give me those lies Nissan! It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the Cedric is aping Mercedes and that the Gloria is wearing a BMW mask. Just look at the image gallery.

HOW FAST?
From the top of the range V30 Twin Cam Gran Turismo Altima model...
251bhp
That's all the data I have sadly.
Imagine an old Cima that's a bit lighter and you're close.

MORE PICTURES PLEASE!

Well, you asked for more!

Just for reference, here is a 1991 Gloria

And here is a 1991 BMW 5 Series

And here's the rear of a 1991 S-Class, see the resemblance?

CAN I BUY ONE?

Nope, it's painfully rare in countries it's not sold in and too new to be imported to the US. It's not even sold as an Infiniti as far as I'm aware of. However if you encounter a slightly more common Y32 Cima, just put headlight covers/a fancy grille on it and it looks exactly like a Gloria/Cedric. Or just import one from £2,000 to £7,000.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●◦◦1/3 A mostly sober car with a couple of cool and different features.