1993 Honda Crossroad

CRAZY JDM #14

This is the Honda Crossroad. It doesn't really do anything a Honda would typically do. Instead it is designed to be a big, rugged off roader. The key word is 'designed' as it will always refuse to start and instead leak gallons of fluids all over the owner's driveway, whoever was unfortunate enough to own it in the first place. Might be quite practical when it ever does start though. 7 Seats!


AN UNRELIABLE HONDA? WITCHCRAFT!
No, not witchcraft, rather 'Rover'. Rover was a British car company. Most people who have any idea about the company will know that 'Rover' stands for Rusty Oxidising Vehicles - Excessively Repulsive. Okay, they made a couple of cars that actually quite nice such as the SD1 & 75 etc but they were all made of compressed rust & assembled with toothpicks.
So what does Rover have to do with this whole agenda?
Most British people will know Rover was in a deal with Honda where they would work together. It could have gone so well - note how I just said 'could have' as the companies threw a great big 'that's what they would be expecting' at any positive innovation and instead made genericised Hondas with an added bonus - rust, and lots of Red Diesel too of course. The biggest loss from this was the Rover 800, a Honda Legend that got built by Rover. It was the first and only Rover sold in the US known there as the 'Sterling 827. Most Americans may have forgot it as it was in production for such a short time due to reliabilty issues. Also the Crossroad was, if you haven't figured out already, a rebadged 1st gen Land Rover Discovery with a Honda badge. It's still a JDM though as it was only sold in Japan. Thus I have an excuse to moan about it here. Hooray!

HOW FAST?
Specs for the only engine, the V8i.
182bhp
0-62 in 11.5 seconds - provided the engine doesn't blow.
Just under 106mph

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Deliciously Purple Promotional Picture

Compare & contrast with the Land Rover equivalent

Read 'Pride of Breaking Down' for true accuracy

The fact that there's more promotional pics than live photographs proves that those who bought it were quite a lonely bunch.

Wait, it still exists in real life! Maybe they weren't so lonely after all. Let's wait for the grand reopening of the Honda Crossroad owner's club.

CAN I BUY ONE?

If you're from the USA then no, it's too new. If you're able to import one expect prices from err... I honestly don't know. This car is not up for sale in decent numbers anywhere so prices are mostly unknown. Buy a Land Rover Discovery instead if you're the sort of person up for this car as its almost exactly the same.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly size & proportions? NO

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? NO (But if sillly = unreliable, then maybe)

Silly idea behind it? YES

●◦◦1/4 A mostly sober car with a couple of cool and different features.

2001 Honda Stepwgn

CRAZY JDM #13

This is the Honda Stepwgn. And no, that was not a typo, this is the Honda Stepwgn - extra emphasis on the 'WGN' required for the sake of authenticity. Though introduced in 1995, the 2001 Stepwgn was where things really got crazy; by that I mean it began to look tacky instead of dreary. Despite all of this, I like the Stepwgn, even if it has sliding doors on only one side for some quirky reason.



DON'T HONDA HAVE A MILLION AND ONE OF THESE TYPES OF CARS ALREADY?
Yes, and that's why it exists! You see, around this time the SUV trend was beginning. You know, the Land Rovers and Jeeps were beginning to being used as picking-the-kids-up-from-school-on-time machines as opposed to the messing-up-the-countryside-leaking-red-diesel-everywhere machines which they were supposed to be. Honda wanted to get some money out of this fad so their solution was the Stepwgn, basically a big boxy van with windows that had been made higher up so you can get the kids out without breaking your spine or something. It has 4 seating arrangements: cargo mode; sleep mode; food mode (don't question it) and play mode where the seats swivel because that's every kid's ultimate epitome of enjoyment. Despite now having many more cars that do the same job, Stepwgn is still being made. Why this is remains one of the great unsolved mysteries of our time but I reckon it has something to do with Honda's abnormally large fake chrome supply.

HOW FAST?
I''m not sure you would find this useful but it's a VTEC so it should have some grunt.
157.81119485bhp (Very specific figure because maths).
0-60 in 8.5 seconds (not bad at all for a car this size).
118mph (Limited).

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Yes, someone lowered Honda's deliberately raised car - clever.

Remember when I talked about all that fake chrome? ...Yeah.

Because nothing says JDM like a van resembling a (surprisingly classy) kitchen appliance.

It looks like an old Volvo from this view.

Now you can drool over that leather. Not sure if it's real leather or fake leather though.

CAN I BUY ONE?

Too new to be imported to the USA but everywhere else expect to see prices from £2,000 to £6,000 for a 2nd generation car like the on this post (I'll cover the other ones another time). Use a currency converter if you need to covert to a different currency, price excludes importing price (obviously).

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●◦◦1/3 A mostly sober car with a couple of cool and different features.

2000 Toyota WiLL Vi, 2001 Toyota WiLL VS & 2002 Toyota WiLL Cypha/VC

CRAZY JDM #10, #11 & #12

This is the Toyota WiLL. It spawned three generations, each of them wacky in their own way (see photo gallery). Pictured is the 1st gen WiLL, the WiLL Vi, purposely made to look like a Citroën Ami made from corrugated plastic. The next one, the WiLL VS, looked like the 2014 Vauxhall Astra - Yet the WiLL VS was made about a decade earlier. Oh, and there was one more WiLL, but that one was just silly.



WHAT WERE TOYOTA SMOKING?
Kao's WiLL OneWeek Room Freshener. Probably.
You see, the whole WiLL agenda wasn't just Toyota's thing. Several Japanese companies such as Panasonic and a lot of other ones that not many people outside of Japan know about worked to together to form the WiLL campaign marketed towards the youth. Because only truly youthful people drink Asahi WiLL Sweet Brown Beer, munch on Ezaki Gilco's WiLL black beans candy and operate on Panasonic's WiLL fax machine and attached headset. The youth will always drive what could be seen as one of the ugliest cars in the century, the Toyota WiLL, the vehicle that would drive you insane if it were your permanent car. For the youth.

HOW FAST?
Using the 1.3 litre engine it gets from the old Yaris, here are some estimates...
88bhp
A top speed near 100mph
0-60 in over 10 seconds.

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Toyota's 'inspiration' - a Citroën Ami.

And... Soft top! You wouldn't want to be seen in that though.

The WiLL VS, a more angular Astra made about 10 years earlier.

Seriously, compare the little things like that rear window.

The final gen WiLL, The WiLL Cypha. The really very silly one. To put it bluntly, it's a bit chubby.

CAN I BUY ONE?

The fact that you ask that is rather odd. If you're in the US, then it's too new to be imported. If you're not, then you can buy one ready to import for £1,000 to 3,000, or second/third generation one £3,000 to £5,000. Use a currency converter to change to your desired currency.

I used the word 'desired' in the same article as the Toyota WiLL. Wow.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.

...As sober as Asahi's WiLL Sweet Brown Beer at least.

1991 Nissan Cedric & 1991 Nissan Gloria

CRAZY JDM #8 & #9

This is the Nissan Cedric. It happens to be the same as the car pictured below, the Nissan Gloria. Succeeding the '87 Cedric that is still being used a taxi today & preceding the modified from the factory drift-missile, the '95 Gloria, these cars sit awkwardly in between like raisins at a sweet shop. And they have silly names too.



THESE CARS LOOK FAMILIAR, WHY?
Quite simple really. In the 1990s when Nissan had more 4 door cars than there are people living on the world right now, they just had to design something for that guy. You know that guy, the person who dreams of owning a big German luxury car but is forced to use boxes for furniture and has to seal his leaky house using noisy putty so he doesn't run out of money. Yeah, that guy. Nissan's answer to that guy's wishes was to create what is essentially a Nissan Cima in a fat suit and make it 'look' like a German luxury car. Nissan advertised the Cedric as the upmarket version & the Gloria as the sporty version? Don't give me those lies Nissan! It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the Cedric is aping Mercedes and that the Gloria is wearing a BMW mask. Just look at the image gallery.

HOW FAST?
From the top of the range V30 Twin Cam Gran Turismo Altima model...
251bhp
That's all the data I have sadly.
Imagine an old Cima that's a bit lighter and you're close.

MORE PICTURES PLEASE!

Well, you asked for more!

Just for reference, here is a 1991 Gloria

And here is a 1991 BMW 5 Series

And here's the rear of a 1991 S-Class, see the resemblance?

CAN I BUY ONE?

Nope, it's painfully rare in countries it's not sold in and too new to be imported to the US. It's not even sold as an Infiniti as far as I'm aware of. However if you encounter a slightly more common Y32 Cima, just put headlight covers/a fancy grille on it and it looks exactly like a Gloria/Cedric. Or just import one from £2,000 to £7,000.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●◦◦1/3 A mostly sober car with a couple of cool and different features.

1989 Mitsubishi Minica Dangan ZZ

CRAZY JDM #7

This is the Mitsubishi Minica Dangan ZZ. It is a kei car, a Japanese specification of car with limited size and power. No rules on turbos though, resulting in this 'fast' Minica. It is the first production car to have a 5 valve per cylinder engine if you're interested. This is one of many crazy versions of the 6th generation Minica, there was a tall one called the 'Toppo' and an asymmetrical one called the 'Lettuce'. At least 'Dangan' means bullet.


IS IT TOO POWERFUL TO BE A KEI CAR THEN?
It may look like it but no. It still has a tiny enough engine with a fair amount less than 100hp, but it's turbo,  4WD and accelerates like a bullet compared to other kei cars. So it's still an official kei car.

HOW FAST?
It's a kei car made before regulations got a bit more lax so it won't be too fast.
63bhp
0-62 mph in 8.9 seconds
93mph

MORE PICTURES PLEASE!

Asymmetric grille almost exclusively found on kei cars.

Rear view.

Next up, the Minica Toppo. They should've called it the Minica Topple.

The adorable Minica that replaced the 1989 model had a retro trim, looks like a London taxi.

Now that I'm running out of Dangan ZZ pictures here is another weird Minica, the lettuce. That's its actual name. No joke.

CAN I BUY ONE?

It all looks quite good. Is it cheap? Yes (£2,000 to £6,000)! Is an older model past the US import cap? Yes! Is it very rare and thus almost impossible to find spare parts for? ...yes.

CRAZY JDM RATING

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? YES

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.

1991 Subaru Alcyone SVX

CRAZY JDM #6

This is the Subaru SVX. Aka the SVX Alcyone. Alcyone is the star in the Subaru logo and this car was the 'star' in Subaru's car range at the time. Replacing the oddballish and boxy XT this car is one of a kind. It looks ugly, then it looks pretty. It looks luxurious, then tacky. It was even styled by Giugiaro. And its windows were huge. It reminds me of the Renault Avantime but even cooler.


WHY DO I RECOGNISE IT'S SHAPE?
A certain article I found has an answer and it's simple; they could have stolen it. Although not proven, they may have 'magpied' some of the design cues off of a Ford concept (see photos for more). Despite all that, I can still appreciate the car for what it is. A pinnacle of Subaru's creativity. If it were something like a BMW I'd guarantee it would sell - but this factor combined with the economy's collapse made it owe the company a loss equating to about 75 million (Ouch). Regardless, I prefer its styling to the Ford concept. And remember, you can't drive the Ford concept though, but you can drive this.

HOW FAST?
Not a Ferrari, but not a slouch either. Compare & contrast with the Eunos Cosmo.
230bhp
0-60 in 7.1 seconds
154mph

MORE PICTURES PLEASE!

This is how they showcased aerodynamics in the 90s

A whole load of meaty camera shots

Looks like this picture is from a brochure

Its predecessor, the Alcyone XT. I might cover this car in the future.

The comparison from the article I mentioned earlier.

CAN I BUY ONE?

Why, yes. they were sold in the US. They also depreciate a lot too so you decide if that's good or bad. If you're in the UK then you're in luck (if you're reading this once that car is sold then I'm very sorry). But regardless of where you are remember that this car is very rare even if not that pricey (£2,000 to £7,000).

CRAZY JDM RATING

Silly styling? YES

Silly engineering? NO

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.

1990 Mazda Eunos Cosmo

CRAZY JDM #5

This is the Eunos Cosmo. It may look ordinary, but this is a car with a very special engine. A Twin Turbo 3 Rotor engine. 'Rotary Power' may as well be Mazda's slogan and this certainly has masses of the aforementioned 'rotary power'. Released under Mazda's ill fated luxury brand 'Eunos', this attempt at a GT car is really something special.


ISN'T THERE THAT REALLY OLD MAZDA COSMO THING TOO?
Well, yeah. The original Mazda Cosmo was the first ever mass produced car with a rotary engine and later models such as this one continue the legacy. Also according to Wikipedia, this was Mazda's top of the line 'halo model' and contained many revolutionary electronic features for its time including; a colour touch screen controlling climate control, analog TV, GPS navigation, radio, CD, and an actual mobile phone. That's luxurious even for today's standards!

HOW FAST?
Yeah, it's pretty fast.
296bhp
0-60 in 7.5 seconds
155mph

MORE PICTURES PLEASE!

Rear view.

Comparison with Mazda's more famed rotary car, the RX-7.

What I'd call a 'sleeper car', you wouldn't expect it to be much faster than it looks but it's very quick.

A very interesting interior.

The original Cosmo, looks like an antique... In a good way.

CAN I BUY ONE?

Though only sold in Japan it is imported to fair range of places. Almost new enough to pass the USA import cap so wait a few months if you want one over there, prices vary a lot. I've seen these go from just £6,000 to the £20,000!

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? YES

Silly idea behind it? YES (an ambitious idea at least)

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.

2008 Honda Vamos Hobio Travel Dog

CRAZY JDM #4

This is the Honda Vamos Hobio Travel Dog. And no, I'm not kidding. This is a kei car, one of those Japanese economy vehicles with limited size, power and no VTECs. In fact it's a trim level of the Honda Vamos 'kei van' based on the Honda Acty 'kei truck.' This is a trim level designed for (owners of) dogs.


WHAT WERE HONDA THINKING!?
Honda were thinking of Dog owners.
A tiny noddy van for very big dogs. JDM Logic. See the photos page for more info.

HOW FAST?
There are actually performance figures for this! Let's compare with an actual dog.
Travel Dog; 44bhp. Actual dog can't fit on a dyno, maybe it has 'Dog Power' instead of HP.
Travel Dog; 0-60 in 25.7 seconds. Actual dog can't make it to 60.
Travel Dog; 73mph.  World's fastest dog is 28mph slower. But the Honda is way too slow.

MORE PICTURES PLEASE!

Well, you asked for more pictures.

Wipeable and anti-bacterial interior.

Aww, look at the adorable carpet.

Honda's free (and maybe patented) Dog-Hammock.

And to end it all we have a Dog-Bag. Looks kinda cramped to me.

CAN I BUY ONE?

Well it's growing on me now a bit. Despite that I still don't have the desire to buy one and if you do tough, this is an exclusive 2008 model so it's very rare, a normal Vamos is very common in Japan but even then it's not past the US import cap.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? YES

Silly engineering? YES

Silly idea behind it? CERTAINLY

●●●3/3 A very silly car that also manages to be something really cool and unique.

2004 Toyota Porte

CRAZY JDM #3
This is the Toyota Porte. It is a sort of mini people carrier based on the Yaris but don't let that put you off. The Porte has a single sliding door on the left and rear seats that slide all the way back so you can stretch your legs without touching the front seats! (Doing that does nukes the boot space though). This car is aimed at people in wheelchairs due to its accessibility and because Toyota said so.


SO IT'S LIKE A PEUGEOT 1007 THEN?
Well it's based off a small car like the 1007. It has sliding doors like the 1007. It made its début in 2004 just like the 1007. But even though it may not seem that original, Toyota has improved over the 1007 in a very important way: it's quirkiness has a point as it is made to be useful for the disabled. In fact, it still manages to look cool and unlike the 1007, is continued being made today in 2014.
That's a lot of 4 digit numbers.

HOW FAST?
You asked that about this car? Fine, here's the specs for the '06 model with the 130i engine.
86bhp
No data for the rest though, try to look at a similar sized car with the same engine, I honestly don't know. Oh and don't look at a BMW 130i's engine. :)

MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!

Accessibility example. 

Interior view shown in a very weird commercial for it.

Sister model called the 'Spade' (above) and newer Porte (below).

New model in detail.

Modified one because... it exists!

CAN I BUY ONE?

If you're in the USA then its too new to be imported otherwise you can import one for £2,000 to 12,000. Alternatively go and buy a 1007.

CRAZY JDM RATING!

Silly styling? NO

Silly engineering? YES

Silly idea behind it? YES

●●◦2/3 Although it's not the most bonkers JDM, it's close.